I wanted to tackle special relationships and holy relationships: concepts derived from the book, A Course in Miracles.
Many people struggle with creating a healthy and loving relationship for themselves, may it be with a significant other, friends, family and even things. I can attest to this because I struggle even up to today with keeping healthy relationships. I’ve read so many books about love and relationships and I feel that they talk about the same exact concepts. But here I break it down into two and discern both concept as best as I could.
I would like to first warn you that I do not have any expertise in relationships. I have not taken any courses or received any certifications or diploma that may deem me as an expert. I am simply sharing the things I learn in hopes that it enlightens someone elses life the way that it did mine.
So here it goes……………………
According to A Course in Miracles (ACIM), there are two types of relationships: the special relationship and the holy relationship. Yes, they both sound completely harmless but I do favor one more than the other. I will let you take a guess…
In this blog, I’m going to talk about both separately. These are completely my own understanding of the two concepts. I’ve been working a lot on creating a healthy lifestyle for myself where I am completely taking care of myself deeply and lovingly. When I read about special relationships in The Universe Has Your Back by Gabby Bernstein, a light bulb turned on for me. I thought: “This is the kind of relationships I’ve been having all these times!” and I wanted to change that. I wanted something better for myself and the people I love. I wanted to keep and maintain a healthy relationship with myself and others. I feel that I’ve created a safe place for myself through reading and learning about special relationships and I am ready to share them.
A special relationship is basically finding your happiness through something outside yourself! It doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship. It can be anything: friendship, money, things, etc. Special relationships make you feel complete. Special relationships make you romanticize things or a person/people to the point where it feels as though you’re incomplete without them. This is a sign that you are not finding happiness within yourself.
I struggled a lot with special relationships. I was in denial, often times, playing a role of someone who seems strong and independent, someone who didn’t need anyone. I realized that wanting to be that person is different from actually being that person. I’ve managed to play that role for a while until I was forced to face reality. I wasn’t getting any younger and I wasn’t getting any happier either! I depended on people to make me happy. I looked for answers and validation from the people around me. I found comfort with purchasing things I didn’t need. I constantly look for something/someone to fill the holes in my life but ultimately feeling empty once that certain thing/person is gone, being upset when they don’t turn out as planned and jumping from one relationship to the next. That was me but not anymore.
It took a lot of drama, a lot of heartache, a lot of losing friends and fighting with family for me to realize that I wasn’t close to the person I wanted to be, the person I truly am. I was constantly looking for happiness from outside myself. Having this revelation made me ache for something more, more meaningful and more fulfilling. I didn’t want to depend on anything or anyone to make me happy. I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and find out what it truly meant to be truly happy and that is where I found and learned about the HOLY relationship.
Holy Relationship is the one I favor more (a term derived from ACIM). It isn’t holy in religious terms. It’s holy because it is pure love. You are a whole as yourself and you find happiness within yourself despite of whatever you have and don’t have. You don’t depend on others, people or things, to keep yourself happy. You rely on your inner self to be and stay happy.
Being in a Holy Relationship is being in a loving relationship with yourself that ultimately leads to healthier relationships with others. Establishing a holy relationship leads to relationships that feels free, relationships that only requires you to be yourself and allowing others to be themselves too.
As mentioned before, I am not a relationship expert. I still find myself clinging on to things and people. Sometimes it takes me weeks to realize that the reason why someone/something was bothering me so much was because I was holding on too tightly to the idea of happiness something or someone brings into my life. I forget that happiness is within and not something outside myself. I wasn’t having a holy relationship I was having a special relationship and I constantly remind myself of what my relationship goals are and that is to have a Holy Relationship. (Wholly Relationship)
I feel that knowing the differences between Holy and Special relationships help in establishing healthy relationships for yourself and others. Being aware of their differences can help create a path where you could choose which way your relationships could ultimately go. There is no time limit in choosing either, any time you can decide what kind of relationship you want to have. I find that joy is a choice that we make. It’s a decision to free ourselves from looking for love outside ourselves. It’s finding peace from within. I think that is the secret for having and keeping relationships.
Relationships are meant to highlight you as the person that you are, one that is already complete by yourself. It is not meant to fill the emptiness that you feel inside. The emptiness you feel could only be filled by the love you’ll have for yourself.
“You are not incomplete, and no one can complete you. You are eternally, unassailable, undeniably whole.” – Alan Cohen
So, I hope that I shed some light for you. I hope that this leads you to think and evaluate the kind of relationships you want to have in your life.
What kind of relationship would you like for yourself? Did this give you some thoughts about the relationships that you have now? Could there be a person or thing that feels like a special relationship for you? Will you take steps to create more holy relationships in your life?
My only wish is that we could all feel an inch of peace within ourselves even if it takes long. Even if the road can sometimes be so hard and sometimes it’ll feel like you’re alone. In the end, finding yourself and loving yourself is ultimately the best relationship goal you can ever ask for!
Thank you for reading and have a nice day!