TWO DAYS! I gave that anxiety two days of my life! Two anxious filled days about a situation/incident that hasn’t even occurred yet. I feel that I lost those two days trying to figure out how to deal with the problem that could come up. I feel that I lost those two days.
There was a change in assignments at my day job and it created a hysterical person in me. I was anxious. I was told it was the worst thing that could happen. I was told this was one of the reason why someone quit the job. I was told it was difficult. I was told it was repetitive and too stressful. That was what was being assigned to me!
I created world wind scenarios in my head. I was recalling some past events in my life when I was overly worked and overlooked by my co-workers. I was anxious. “I DON’T WANT HISTORY TO REPEAT ITSELF”, I thought to myself, while planning out my escape plan! Two days, I gave that two days of stress – nothing is happening yet!
Karl, my boyfriend, desperately looking for a solution for me. I was defensive, angry and alone. I didn’t what a solution, THERE IS NO SOLUTION! Oh the agony of it all – nothing is happening yet, I was anxious.
He said, “I feel like I lose you every time you’re anxious.” He wasn’t trying to fix my problem, he wanted me back and I wanted the same. I lost myself for those two days for something that’s not even happening. I stepped back a little bit to realize that I was losing myself. I wanted to enjoy my days. I wanted to not worry but worry won me over those two days.
We were listening to an audiobook, Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman. In the book, he mentions Eckhart Tolle, a spiritual teacher, who had a question “Do you have a problem right now?”. That question hit me, thankfully it did! I’m worrying about something in the future that may or may not even happen. I forgot to live in the moment; I made the future more important than what’s happening now.
After learning Karl’s fears and thoughts about my troubles I realized that I wasn’t focusing on the now. We were after all on a trip of a lifetime and I was there pondering on work issues that may or may not even happen. The sun was setting, the clouds were aligning, ducks were swimming on the lake and the water was red from the reflection of the sunset. I couldn’t enjoy them 100 percent. Thankfully, I was able to get back in the moment to realign myself with the world around me.
I also had to remind myself that even if all my worries do come, it wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen to me. That even if they come, I will be able to handle them. I have a choice to accept and not accept what I would like to keep in my life, no matter what. I have a choice to dwell on things or to figure out solutions for when they come – but not now!
Do I have a problem right now, this very moment? I answered “NO” & my worries and anxiety left. I freed myself from that, giving me an opportunity to enjoy my time with Karl wholeheartedly; worry and stress free!
So if there is something bothering you, ask yourself, “Do I have a problem right now?”