I Wonder

I wonder what it’s like to be loved by you?

Have you heard that song by Shawn Mendes? I remember it exactly, the first time I’ve ever heard this song and I wondered so hard so hard to figure out who to think about when I’m listening to this song! LOL I imagined my nephew who was just born… I imagined the Love Of my Life in the future. I imagined all these people in my life until one dayyyy.. I was listening to this music while looking at the mirror and I wondered I wondered what it was like to be loved by me. I know I joke around with my friends all the time changed the “You” on any love song and change it to “I” or “ME” when you’re going through a break up! lol (Try it, it works! It makes people laugh and it’ll make you laugh and in turn make you feel better!)

Anyways, so I started wondering.. I wondered what it meant to be loved by me… I’ve been working really really hard to love myself.. but this song made me wonder why I am working so hard! lol I’m working so hard to be more confident, to be more brave to be less insecure, to be nicer or more kind. To be the most understanding person, the happiest, the most grateful person in the world. Until one day, I realized that all I needed to do was to love myself exactly as I am!

Yeah! You got it right! I preached so much about “YEAH LOVE YOURSELF”! It really gets out of hand sometimes. For months, I’ve been waking up almost everyday at 5am just to make sure that I am able to read something to improve myself. I’ve been waking up at 5am to make sure that I am working out and doing my best to stay fit and glowing. I thought this was me loving myself! BUT IT WAS ME thinking there’s something I need to improve about myself, hence, there’s something wrong with me! There is nothing wrong with me! And I was looking at everything so wrong. There’s nothing wrong with improving your life but what I came to terms with is that I must love myself for who I am now. It’s the truest me I can ever be. This me now is the truest me I’ll ever be and all the improvements will just be a fragment of who I am becoming. Who I am now is the truest me I can ever be.

I wonder, why I’m so afraid of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint

I never said I’m perfect. I don’t know why I was trying so hard to be one. It’s so easy to tell people that there is no such thing as perfect. I tell people that all the time not realizing that I was striving to be one too. HYPOCRITE. LOL I know but that’s okay! lol I’m okay now!

I’m cultivating a fearless life for myself at the moment. I’m learning to accept myself for exactly who I am. Insecurity and all! I’m accepting that fear is present in my life and that the best thing to do is accept that it is part of who I am. Today, I am happy but tomorrow I may not be. Today, I’m brave but tomorrow I may not be. I will never be 100 percent happy all the time. I will never be 100 percent confident all the time. I will never be 100 percent disciplined all the time. I’m okay with that now. I’m releasing myself from the battle I created for myself. I know I am not perfect and I know I may say or do things that are not perfect or right but that is okay. I know I am a good person all together and that is the most important thing about me that I know for sure to be true. I don’t have any bad intentions. I’m just being myself and I know at the end of the day all I want is to be a good person; giving people the best that I can. It’s a beautiful freeing feeling to know that I can be who I am no matter what. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be free.

Now, how beautiful is it to wonder how you can truly love yourself? Maybe, we shouldn’t wonder so much and just do it. Love and accept ourselves for exactly who we are. One day, there will be no more wondering, one day soon – how beautiful would it be to be the most loving person you can ever be for yourself? Right? RIGHT! lol

Yours Truly Yours,

Pia ❤

Published by Pia Caguimbal

I'm just trying to add some light in this world.

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