I Choose Love Over Fear <3

January 9, 2019

I lost track of where I was, I’m looking around for my inner peace and frantically looking for a way to look at things with love.

Trust that you are on the right path.

My insecurities revealed itself a little bit today but for reasons that I inflicted myself (onto myself). I even thought that maybe I need a drink to type and write this so I could be more real and raw (but I didn’t). I had a whole page of things on here but decided to delete the whole thing. I think this marks the very first day in 2019 history that I am writing with a frantic heart. It feels heavy as though it shouldn’t be here, because it really shouldn’t. I want to be real and I want to be brave so brave I will be. (Always be #bravey)

What triggered my insecurities? You ask… It’s a put together guy. A man who has his life (to what seems like) figured out. I knew going thru my self-love journey that I am meant to meet people just like him because that’s a sign that I am doing something good with myself. See, I knew this was coming and yet the minute we hang up that phone all I wanted to do was run! My life started to seem uneventful and unfulfilling, maybe this is exactly what I needed. I reached out to the Holy Spirit to guide me thru this because my insecurities are not getting in the way of me getting to know someone who shares the same interests as me, someone who can potentially make a great positive impact in my life.

So this is what it’s like to get to know someone when you’re doing so great inside. As the Course in Miracles points out, the Universe will challenge you on your journey. The Universe or God Himself will bring people in your life that will challenge your being until you learn the lesson you need to learn. In this case, my lesson (it has always been) is to see myself in the LIGHT instead of the DARK. My lesson is to figure out a way to channel my inner peace on times when it seems like it is being shaken (by my own self). My lesson is to not run away and enjoy the moments for what it truly is. 

Continue reading “I Choose Love Over Fear <3”

My EGO Never Had My Back

January 7,  2019

Today, I felt ashamed of myself for letting my ego lead my way for a very long time but I am also happy and thankful for this realization and the chance to start over and begin anew. Continue reading “My EGO Never Had My Back”

Exploring True Happiness

Hello again! I wanted to start this blog with a quote that I read on my IG:

“The reason you want every single thing that you want, is because you think you will feel really good when you get there. But, if you don’t feel really good on your way to there, you can’t get there. You have to be satisfied with the what-is while you’re reaching for more.” – Abraham Hicks

This quote today really touched my heart. I had a really tough 2 years, going through a break up, getting into a new relationship too soon, etc, you know the drill. It was chaotic but somehow I got out of the chaos. I found peace with running. Running for me was really hard growing up (still is to this day) but somehow there was a moment in my life when running became my go to… I was looking for something I enjoyed doing and at that moment in my life, it was running. I was happy, I broke Personal Records. I was running faster than I thought I could ever be. It was an amazing feeling. I started focusing on Personal Records, going to every single running events there was, started working at a running store, research about running and reading books and stories about runners. I was so in Love with the thought that I could be a really good runner, relationship problems? What’s that!?!

BUT just like any other relationship, it got harder. Personal Records got harder to beat, running events got expensive, working a full time job and a part time job got tiring… I was starting to beat myself up for running. It was like a relationship that I didn’t recognize.

One day, I was running and thought to myself, will I be happy if I broke my foot? Will I be happy if I can’t do this anymore? Will I be happy if this was something I can never do again???

Don’t get me wrong, Running could still be very therapeutic at times for me but I started focusing more on finding true happiness within myself and not just depending on anything or anyone.

I took a break from running. I ran less miles, less times.

I just started focusing on being happy……….. I always have to be connected to something or someone. So, I read self help books, I went to the beach to just enjoy the sunrise, I slept in, I prepped meals, I just started taking care of myself more and also still running, when I want to and only when I want to.

I realized other aspects of what I thought was what happiness would look like.

I used to think having a family and children was the ultimate goal to happiness. Even planned to be married by 23 and kids right after, next thing you know I’m 29, with no relationship! Ha! Before this time, around 26-28, gosh! I focused so much on having a relationship and getting married! That made that whole transition chaotic for me. It wasn’t until I ran into an article (I’m sorry I’ve lost the article) but it talked about how having a family and children were just socially constructed as the ultimate happiness. After reading through that, and hearing other stories, I realized that those things are not the ultimate happiness.

That I should be happy with or without those things. I started looking at the future with far less expectations and just hoping that I will find true happiness even if things don’t go the way I planned.

There are different types of happiness and just like what the quote says if you’re not totally happy, if you are waiting to be happy, receiving all those things that you thought would make you happy, won’t actually make you happy.

You have to find happiness within yourself now, and I think you could do that by allowing yourself to accept what is. To not depend on things that can be easily taken away to make you happy.

Finding true love is giving yourself the ultimate love no one else can give you. I believe the ingredients of true love of oneself is forgiveness (so important!), trust & the ultimate acceptance of what, where and who you are.

Exploring True Happiness means finding true happiness from what is.

I hope this enlightened someone! And even if it just reaches one person! I would be happy!

What Does It Mean To Truly Love Yourself?

How does it feel to be loved by you?

I’m talking about do you know what it feels like to be loved by yourself? If your answer is yes, that is wonderful news! As for those who answered no, the answer is here with me today!

Firstly, you need to remember that loving yourself is a choice you need to make and in order for all my wonderful advise to work and settle in your system, you have to choose to love and be loved by your own self! 🙂 I know it seems difficult, It can be. I struggle with this on a daily basis but the steps I’m about to provide will help you and guide you (&me!).

A little note on my journey, I’ve always wanted to discover self-love and it wasn’t until just recently that I’ve encountered some little revelations in life. as my friend said “Wisdom comes with AGE!”.  

Here are 5 steps that I believe will guide you through your journey of loving yourself: (There is no need to follow this particular order.)

1.) You are awesome now! Say it out loud and believe it!

The first note and advise I would like for you to remember is that you are wonderful NOW. You are amazing as you are now. Where you are in life is beautiful already. You don’t have to wait for the better version of yourself anymore! Just accept the fact that right now, with all the mess in your head, YOU ARE PERFECT just the way you are! You’ve come a long way. The YOU NOW is strong. The YOU NOW is brave and the YOU NOW will overcome any obstacle that comes your way. Keep in mind that the YOU NOW is just as deserving as the better you you’ve been waiting for. Often times, people who are seeking for healing are so focused on becoming the better version of themselves, they forget just how wonderful they are already.

This is one of my revelations, as I was speaking to my friend, she was constantly telling me “when I get better, I will be ready for……”, it dawned on me that she is already amazing now, she is already deserving now, what else does she need to change?? I realized that all the improvements that come with healing are addition to how wonderful a person is already. You are loved, just the way you are & you just have to believe that it is true.

2.) Forgiveness, to oneself and others.

Number 2 on my list is forgiveness. I think, forgiveness is one of the major things you need to learn. Forgiveness can go a long way. It can literally be your key to freedom. Forgiveness gives you the opportunity to grow and learn. Forgiveness frees up your heart from all the hate, agitation, resentments and a lot of negativity that surrounds you. I think the best way to learn forgiveness is by learning ways to forgive yourself. It all starts with you.

I struggled with this for many years growing up. I was so hard on myself for so many things, “oh I said the wrong thing!”, “I bumped into that person, I feel so bad!”. I didn’t realize that I made myself miserable for no reason. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, let it go! All the hateful things you tell yourself for making simple or even big mistakes, it’s okay! Learn from it and forgive yourself! It’s exactly right, how can you expect to easily forgive others when you’re not cutting yourself some slack!? Start with yourself and it will gradually come to you. Some days, it’ll be easier and some days, it’ll be harder but what I’ve learned about mistakes from spiritual junkie, Gabby Bernstein, is that you can recognize it, then forgive yourself & then choose again. I really liked that she emphasize that everyday, every moment, we are always given an opportunity to choose again. And that is how I see forgiveness, everyday, you have an opportunity to be better, and every mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow. Forgiveness is important! Don’t ever live your life without it. 🙂

3.) “The best proof of love is trust.” – Joyce brothers

Have you ever ask yourself a million times if you’ve locked your car while sitting on your desk and finding yourself walking back to your car just to realize that you have, in fact, locked your car? Ha! Sometimes, this could just be a sign of forgetfulness, but I came to realize that this could also be a sign of mistrusting oneself’s ability to be responsible and on top of things.  

And then one day, I ran into a meme (of course, i get inspiration from them little ole things), “The best proof of love is trust.” I thought: “This is amazing, this guy is very trusting of me, he loves me.” Ha! But then i realized that I haven’t fully trusted myself all these years, does that mean, I haven’t really loved myself to the full extent? (Another aha moment) I think, in some ways, it does mean that. I realize that I doubted every single life decisions I’ve made and not totally trusting my gut instincts. Regretting a break up, regretting the degree, regretting & doubting myself in everything I put my mind to. Heck, even the simple things, as locking my car or turning off my straightener, I doubted myself. that is not love from what i realize. I should give myself more credit & know that I am a responsible person.

I realized that it is true that trust is one of the greatest proof of ones love, and that by learning to trust ourselves more, we’ll on the right path for self-love. Trusting yourself is one of the steps you take to loving yourself and not a result of loving yourself. A lot of people who are on their journey of finally loving themselves think: “Ohh, when i get better, I’ll be able to make better choices,” the thing is, you’ve made those (past) decisions for yourself, don’t doubt them, embrace them and trust them even if you didn’t get the result you wanted from them. The life that you have is exactly that, it’s your life, and you are exactly where you’re supposed to be, trust that you’ve made good decisions for yourself. Learning to trust yourself is probably one of the most vital steps to loving yourself. So, do that, just trust yourself & any doubts that come your way, just remember, if you do make a mistake, you can always choose again!! 🙂

4.) Not everything negative your mind tells you is true.

You must think, “Heck you just told me to trust myself!?” Haha yes I know, this kind of contradicts my number 3 step but this is important. I believe part of self mistrust is that you believe every single negative things your mind have told you about yourself. It’s much easier to do so, but you must definitely learn to not believe every negative things your mind tells you about yourself. All those negative thoughts are created from self-doubt, Hence, no trust! It’s pretty much a cycle that’s so hard to manage but you have to believe that you are capable of seeing yourself at a better light.

So what you need to do is stop yourself from thinking negatively of yourself. “Oh I’m not smart” STOP! Don’t even explore that thought anymore as much as you can. As much as you can, you have to stop thinking so negatively of yourself. I know some things could justify these negative thoughts, and trust me, I justify my negative thoughts all the time and end up believing them to be true. But that is one thing I’m slowly learning, it’s a process to rethink the negative. Believe that you are wonderful, believe that you are kind, believe that you are only human who makes mistakes but those mistakes does not define who you are. Step 5, might help you see yourself at a better light, especially, if your judgment about yourself is base on how others have made you feel and think of yourself.

5.) Not Everyone will see you for who you truly are, forgive them anyways.

That statement is true. People will have an opinion about you and think they are right. This will make you feel like proving yourself to them– Don’t! It’s basically a trap. People can be cruel and mean and still manage to think they are being helpful and nothing that you say would make them think otherwise.

You should remember that you do not have to prove anything to anyone. Your struggles are yours and you should be surrounded by people who support you, who genuinely cares for you and those people who loves you no matter what. Those people who will never make you feel like they are better than you. And if you don’t have that kind of support, don’t fret. You can find that support within yourself and eventually you will find that kind of friendship that you truly need.

Finding that safe place is hard. Just remember that everyone in this world has one purpose and that is to find love. Everyone’s journey is different. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life. People may say or do things that are hurtful but this could be their journey and it doesn’t have anything to do with you and who you are as a person.

INSERT: LOVE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


All of these steps are meant for you to realize that the main focus of your life is YOU. What other’s feel, believe, see and say has nothing to do with who you are and what your purpose is. To truly love yourself is to trust that you have done everything in your life for yourself. To trust that your journey in life is to find yourself by loving and trusting your own journey……….. I hope that these five steps help…. It helped me a lot… & I’m still growing & learning different things everday. Continue reading “What Does It Mean To Truly Love Yourself?”